Butterfly Wings

Butterfly wings,
So black and blue,
Oh look, my dear friend,
They remind me of you.

Of the bruises you had,
Before you cast off,
Of how you lied,
And pretended to be tough.

Butterfly wings,
So fragile and big,
Now to see you,
I'd have to dig.

Deep in the earth,
Buried with sin,
You left us so quickly,
Like most of your kin.

Butterfly wings,
Its beauty doesn't last,
As I think of you,
I'm haunted by the past.

Of how those wings beat,
How sadly you flied,
How hurriedly you rushed,
Right before you died.

Butterfly wings,
Pulled off one by one,
After your hope was gone,
Your life was done.

I won't judge you,
For i am the same,
We both have sorrow,
That no one can tame.

No Going Back

Dim the lights,

And leave me to be,

Blow out the candles,

So I can’t see.

With full strength, I dig in,

No holding back,

I can hear the surface of my skin,

As it starts to crack.

I feel something warm,

In this sea of cold,

Fear is no option,

For now, I have to be bold.

Theres no turning back,

I’m going all out,

Not sure what I’m cutting at,

But my release is what its all about.

My breath starts to weaken,

As I feel this sensation,

My eyes start to flutter,

Once they close, they’ll never open.

I fall to the ground,

Its getting harder to breathe,

I see darkness and more darkness,

I guess its finally time to leave.

Never Good Enough

Fighting for worth,

And failing each time,

So I guess I’m nothing now,

As I watch others in their prime.

Better versions I see,

Clones that walk and run in the sun,

All more skillful and better than me,

I’ll be replaced with a trigger of a gun.

I was never wanted,

That much I know,

Of how I was never good enough,

As I was constantly compared to.

Remind myself,

Of what I couldn’t be,

So I gave up and gave in,

I finally stopped believing in what I see.

I no longer cared,

For what I lacked,

Burn all my hope,

Then take it back.

I don’t care anymore,

So I don’t aim high,

But that doesn’t mean,

That I don’t try.

But expected as always,

It doesn’t measure up,

To what THEY can do,

I know when its time to give up.

I’m hard on myself,

Always picking like them,

If I can’t even love myself,

What about others then?

Untitled

Blooming swords of anger spear through me,

Vicious red marks lay over my entire body,

They can't be seen but they can be felt,

For eons and eons have these ancient feelings dwelt,

They've been there with me and for me it seems,

For ever so long that it just feels like a dream,

Which were visions and which were truly real?

I don't remember making the Devil's deal,

But I can't remember much at all nowadays,

Love and faith now seem like child's play,

I think i'm done with the game, I'm done with the rules,

I'm done with those idiots, those morons, those fools,

Just waiting for them to finish their parts,

They they're done, They'll fly away like darts,

They'll work their way up and be on their way,

The madness inside me is the only one that'll stay,

Should I be grateful, Should I send it off?

Would I miss it when times get rough?

I don't care anymore, I just live as it is,

When its over, I'll welcome death with a kiss,

"What took you so long? Now take me away,"

That chaotic madness will now be at bay,

Free from the world and free from myself,

I finally did something that was good for my health,

Suffer no longer, the pain goes away,

The only bad side is, i'll never see another day.

The Daily Scar

I can't sleep, it seems,
The ache in my heart keeps me awake,
Hush now, dear friend,
How many times must the surface of my skin break?

Be satisfied though,
For the length of my arm is full,
So beautiful is this abstract art,
But its hard hiding it at school.

Others like me,
I have met before,
They're NOT doing it for attention,
Their hearts are truly torn.

Level 3 depression,
In the corner of that room,
At least she's reaching for help,
While I sit in gloom.

I hear things,
Catches of whispers and cold,
My body always aches,
But silence is gold.

I live right under their noses,
Yet they couldn't see,
How much depression,
Was taking its toll on me.

And so I became their punching bag,
In numerous ways,
"I'm not afraid, I just gave up,"
I liked to say.

Self esteem,
Thats lower than low,
Always unsure and worried,
About what? I truly don't know.

My vision starts to blur,
As I grasp for support,
This often happens,
Always without effort.

It spins and it aches,
Then I collapse to the ground.
Few hours later,my friends find me,
And I ask them to shroud what they actually found. 

Numb

Slice through my skin,
Tear out my memory,
Bleed out my sorrow,
And leave me to be.

So numb is my limbs,
That I don't feel the pain,
Just scars and more scars,
Don't you dare call me insane.

My hurt becomes blood,
And leaks like a river,
This was never for the faint hearted,
When they see my condition, their lips start to quiver.

You have eyes but do not see.
Of what was truly happening to me.

Ignorance is bliss,
I know that quote well,
You could have saved me,
But you chose to be blind, that i could tell.

It doesn't matter now,
I don't trust enough to believe,
Whatever you say, good or bad,
Eventually, you're going to leave.

You were someone close to me,
Once upon a time,
I'm only left to remember,
Our friendship in its prime.

Go play in the sun,
With its blinding white light,
And I'll be always here,
Out of mind and out of your sight.

Its not that I don't care,
Its not that I hate you,
Its just that I gave up on everything,
That much is true.

Time For Bed

A kiss for the stars,
A lullaby for the moon,
For I'll be up there,
All too soon.

Send me to bed,
With a hole in my heart,
Why're you feeling guilty?
You've done your part.

You've been good to me,
Up to the very last,
Yes, I've counted,
But time's moving fast.

So turn off the lights,
And leave me to be,
Say goodnight,
Thats the last you'll see of me.

To die in my sleep,
Will be my ultimate wish,
I know, I've heard the comments,
I'm nothing but selfish.

But have you felt what i felt?
My pain and my sorrow?
Experience is something,
You simply can't borrow.

Don't act like you understand,
Cause I know you won't,
So, if your gonna judge me,
Then please, just don't.

Labyrinth Of Roses

The labyrinth I made,

The vows I swore,

To not believe in love,

Rot my heart to its core,

It winds around and around,

Never ending quite yet,

What have I done?

I calm myself and try not to fret.

I can’t get out,

I have no one to blame,

But myself you see,

The faults I claimed.

Those bushes have thorns,

As sharp as can be,

Like those words the other day,

Do you remember what you said to me?

They rip at my flesh,

They release all the pain,

The blood comes flowing,

And dissolve in the rain.

I let them get to me,

My wall was not strong,

So I made this fortress of roses,

I was so sure I wasn’t wrong.

Its fine to protect myself,

That’s what I thought,

Until I couldn’t get out,

No matter how I screamed and fought.

Trapped in my own world,

Where the sickly sweet smell overpowers me,

And thorns that grab and clutch,

They keep telling me not to leave.

But I’ve seen,

Those dead petals on the ground,

Those flowers aren’t forever,

Neither am I, but I am bound.

No one can find me,

Though some wander past,

I truly gave up,

The day after tomorrow will be the last.

Never again,

Am I to believe,

In anything  including happiness,

Or hope or to ever be free.

I’m just waiting,

For all of it to end,

To finally be at peace,

To never see this land again.