Beautiful words yet they wound me so…
Reminding me of a lifetime that has passed,
No longer am I the same, my love,
The sands are falling and falling fast.
When will you tire of me, my empty self and I?
Time escapes yet hallucinations constantly plague,
They taunt with visions of your departure,
Telling me that all along I indeed was right.
I do not wish to rip, love,
And I do not wish to harm,
For even if such honor on me is bestowed,
I can only do so with broken arms.
And do you not deserve more than petty attempts?
Of orders that were deigned as affections we once understood?
I beseech that you turn away from this ugly form of mine,
And remember me the way you most kindly could.
What I present, I present in pride,
Also to be worthy to all that you are,
As long as remnants of me shall stand,
What will last will be my facades.
All that is left,
Is what can only suffice,
No longer befitting to your presence,
Yet I cannot say goodbye.
And because that is so,
I stay with a painted face,
To hide cracks and missing shards,
I will be by your side until you send me away, your grace.
Can you not see what i have foretold?
What commeth from this soul of mine is twisted,
Unfit for the very consumption of the mind,
Yet you still chose to hold and believe in it.
Mistress dear, understand that remnants remain,
Excavation would only lead to more and more pain.
So i beg of thee, force me not to write,
For my words though blunt are sharp,
And drawing blood upon reasons wrong,
I forbid myself to ever do upon you.
As i begin to stable myself,
Maybe soon i shall look down without regret,
To pick and hone my skills once more,
So be patient, love, and do not fret.
I have not abandoned what we cherished once,
Just confidence is missing from it all,
With a hand i soon hope to hold,
I will have strength to once again, stand tall.
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